Monday September 14 - Sunday September 20, 2020

Come here to talk about things that are not related to agoraphobia.
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sbm12405
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Monday September 14 - Sunday September 20, 2020

Post by sbm12405 » Mon Sep 14, 2020 2:00 pm

Vickie - We’ll be here when you get back. I’m glad your sleep study went well and that your going to get help.

I’m already overwhelmed this morning and it’s not even 7am here. Got up late. Forgot to pull something out of the freezer for breakfast. So we had eggs and waffles this morning. As I’m cooking the eggs (and almost done with them) I looked over at the drip pan from the smoker that was clean and on the stove. I noticed a little dirt spot in it. Then I remember that I cleaned it and it was spotless. I looked closer and was glad that I didn’t try to remove it with my hand. It was a scorpion. I yelled for my wife who was in a room with a door that was closed. She couldn’t make out what I said but my tone of voice said come here right now. Lol. So she killed it for me. So glad she was around. Spiders and scorpions makes me freeze in my tracks.

I have an appointment with my neurologist today. It’s one of those stupid you have to have one between Botox appointments because your insurance says so crap. Thankfully it’s a video appointment. Especially since I’ve already had to take a Xanax today. And I didn’t take a half tablet. I took a whole one. Speaking of which I’m getting a bit groggy now. I should be aware enough by my appointment time though.

Conn, faerie, Luther, Cheryl anyone else I missed - check in and let us know how you are doing.
Sarah
Just when the caterpillar thought it's world was over it turned into a butterfly.....

I am not a doctor or other medical professional. If you are in need of medical care please contact emergency services or go to the nearest emergency room.
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Conn
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Re: Monday September 14 - Sunday September 20, 2020

Post by Conn » Mon Sep 14, 2020 5:20 pm

Vickie, I’m sorry things are not good right now. Sorry I wasn’t online the past days to see you were struggling. The few days in hospital care will be good. You have lots of people here who care ..... even if we aren’t there in person. Take care of you !

Faerie, I haven’t sent the bibs or blanket. Just not sure I have the Mental strength for being ignored if I send them. My daughter in-law put a post on fb the other day of all the people she appreciates .... of course it was my son, her family, a few friends and my nephew and his wife. It was like a stab in my heart. Not sure how much more rejection I can take.

Sarah, so glad you didn’t touch the scorpion !!! Yikes. I killed a spider on my porch yesterday and it was full of what we call horse hair parasite. It’s like an explosion of a long worm parasite that comes out like a volcano when you kill whatever it’s invaded. I’ve had several spiders like that over the years here. It’s disgusting !!!! The parasite lives in wooded areas and near water ... so I have a double whammy living where I do. I made my husband come out to help me and he said “well Connie it’s just nature”. Why can’t nature just be butterflies and cute furry critters ? lol

So my husband has been diagnosed with diabetes. His glucose at the doc was 280 fasting and his A1c is 9.1. So he’s on medication now for that and for high cholesterol. He’s not happy. His streak for being Mr. healthy has come to an end. He’s taking it pretty well though and committed to get healthy. I can’t say the same because the stress has made me binge on chocolate and cigarettes :(

My depression got the best of me on Saturday. I slept the day away and cried when I wasn’t sleeping. I woke with a fear of taking all the Ativan and trazadone in the house.... haven’t had a fear of that before ... so It shook me. I bagged up the meds (which I don’t even take, but keep in hand for emergency)... and when my husband got home I made him hide them. I felt scarily too close to another nervous breakdown. Feeling some better now, but not 100%. Just too much stress and sadness.
Of course I tried to talk to my mom about it and her answer was “oh Connie if I can handle everything I’ve had to in my life you can handle what’s going on in yours”. So I quickly realized I can’t go to her for help. Ironic since she is causing me more stress with her demands. Right now she wants the outside brick of her house washed down. I told her that was a crazy thing to focus on because it’s outdoors and it’s going to have dirt on it. And ..... it is NOT dirty anyway.
Well enough ... of my rant . Be well everyone !
Last edited by Conn on Tue Sep 15, 2020 8:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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sbm12405
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Re: Monday September 14 - Sunday September 20, 2020

Post by sbm12405 » Mon Sep 14, 2020 8:31 pm

Conn - ranting is allowed. :) my wife’s mother was the same way. That is until she became legally blind and couldn’t see it. Then we had to tell her about things that needed cleaned and we had to do it for her too. But I didn’t mind helping her. We took care of her until she got so mean I couldn’t handle it. I was going through a lot trying to keep sane enough to work and couldn’t take the added stress. The sad thing is her son put her in assisted living and then a nursing home. She deteriorated quickly and passed probably within two years of that. We did keep her in her own home as long as we could though.

We have tarantula hawk wasps here. From what I understand the sting is unbelievably painful. But they tend to leave humans alone if you leave them alone. They sting a tarantula to paralyze them and then they lay their eggs inside the tarantula. The larvae eats the tarantula from the inside out. Which is pretty gruesome to think about. We’ve seen a couple here in our backyard. They are huge. We of course keep the dogs away from them the best we can. So many things here are really painful if you run into them or get stung by them. Lol. Not like back home. About all you had to worry about there were brown recluse and black window spiders.

Sigh. Anyway I listed our old drum sander on Craigslist yesterday afternoon/ evening. It sold this morning for more than we paid for it originally. Which is a plus. And we got enough from it that the new drum sander didn’t cost us much at all. Which is an added plus. An even bigger plus is we paid less than half of retail for the new drum sander because it was an auction. So in total we paid about 9% of the retail price before you take taxes into account for it. Lol. Love it when things work out that way. I really thought it would take longer for us to sell it.
Sarah
Just when the caterpillar thought it's world was over it turned into a butterfly.....

I am not a doctor or other medical professional. If you are in need of medical care please contact emergency services or go to the nearest emergency room.
Faerie
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Re: Monday September 14 - Sunday September 20, 2020

Post by Faerie » Wed Sep 16, 2020 1:02 pm

Hi everyone.
Sigh!!!! I did a long post + my internet cut off just before I sent it, so this will be much shorter.

Vickie, well done on deciding it was time to look after yourself by going to triage. It's not only a good decision but shows you are in control. As Sarah said we will be here when you come out. Be gentle with yourself.

Sarah, I feel the same about scorpions + spiders. After twice finding myself in the bath with a scorpion I've become a bit paranoid about them. That spider that Conn described gave me the chills. Ugh! Just be aware + careful.

Conn, I'm glad they found out what is wrong with your husband. At least those can both be managed.
As for your son . . . believe me I understand. I thought I had done the right thing by estranging myself from my son 5 months ago. It was self preservation because I was so close to a mental breakdown. But last night it all blew up again. He was once again manic, yet again used some totally illogical reason to use me as his trigger + all hell broke loose. I am once again a shaking mental wreck. I really can't deal with his emotional abuse anymore. It's very ugly + very violent. As hard as it is I would rather just have nothing to do with him.
I know with your son all you want is your son back in your life, but as mothers we are in the same boat. Neither of us ever imagined that we would be dealing with issues like this with our sons who we love so much.
Hang in there my friend!

(((Hugs)))
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sbm12405
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Re: Monday September 14 - Sunday September 20, 2020

Post by sbm12405 » Wed Sep 16, 2020 2:36 pm

You know I try to stay positive. Try to look at the good things in life. Remember where I came from. Remember how much my family struggled and yet survived. But things are just getting to be too much right now. I feel like a complete failure. My agoraphobia has kicked into high gear again. I had to have my wife drive me to a doctors appointment yesterday and even that was a struggle because she wasn’t allowed even in the building with me. I did find out that I do have carpal tunnel in both wrists yesterday. Mild in my non-dominant wrist. Mid moderate in my right wrist. No idea what the hell that means as far as treatment. And I don’t really care right now. Sigh.
Sarah
Just when the caterpillar thought it's world was over it turned into a butterfly.....

I am not a doctor or other medical professional. If you are in need of medical care please contact emergency services or go to the nearest emergency room.
Faerie
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Re: Monday September 14 - Sunday September 20, 2020

Post by Faerie » Thu Sep 17, 2020 3:48 pm

Sarah, you are NOT a failure!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just think of everything you do, have done + achieved. I think everyone, everywhere in the world right now is stressed. People who have never suffered with depression are feeling depressed in this scary world where disasters are coming from all sides. It is universal stress. People who have never suffered with agoraphobia are dealing with it now although they don't have a name for it yet.
People who are too scared to leave their homes because they may get Covid. People who don't want to deal with people because they feel vulnerable if others invade their space.
Hang in there sweetheart you are not losing the agoraphobia fight just take one day at a time.
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sbm12405
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Re: Monday September 14 - Sunday September 20, 2020

Post by sbm12405 » Fri Sep 18, 2020 11:51 am

Faerie - thank you. It’s just frustrating and annoying when I take a step back. Although I know logically that setbacks are inevitable.

So my wife knew how upset I was and encouraged me to partake of some retail therapy. Lol. Nothing major. I had picked up some vintage cameras a bit ago and she’s been encouraging me to get some more (for display purposes). There was an auction with some in it on Wednesday night. She actually brought my phone to me so I could bid on them. Some jerk was greedy and wanted all of them pretty bad. When it was apparent I wasn’t going to win any of them because of this person I decided to bid them up so at the very least they’d have to pay more. Lol. And they did. Probably about five times more than had I not bid on them. I was still bummed though that I didn’t win any.

So my wife looked on a website that we use sometimes to sell stuff and found quite a few vintage and antique cameras for sale. I’m picking one up today for under $30. We’ve looked it up. One in about the same condition but with fewer accessories sold for over $200 recently. The cool thing is it has an unopened told of film with it. The research I’ve done says that film is non existent. I’m sure it isn’t any good at this point. As in it either wouldn’t develop or the photo would absolutely suck if any part of it did develop. And frankly it’s probably worth more unopened anyway.

I picked up an entire lot yesterday for $30. It had six or eight cameras with it. Two are 8mm video cameras. It has a roll of unopened film from the early 70s for a camera in that batch. Lol. Some of the stuff was just crap and I’ll likely sell it after I do a bit of research to make sure it’s crap but it was definitely worth the $30.

In that lot though I found a magazine article. Which included various tips such as how to shoot a naked woman. My wife and I were cracking up at it. The article had to be written September 2010 or later because a camera advertisement on the back of this page has a camera that was announced in mid August 2010 and released in September 2010. So considering that I find it pretty sexist. But the last line had us laughing robustly. Although after I thought about it I don’t know if I should laugh or cry at it. I would never even think about putting Vaseline on a camera lens. That could be because quite a few of my lenses are worth more than my camera. Or because I don’t even like turning down a corner of a book to mark my place. In the world of cameras a good lens is more important than a good camera. You can have the best camera in the world but if you a) don’t know how to use it and/or b) have crappy lenses you won’t get a good photo out of it. But you have a crappy camera that if you know how to use it and you have good “glass” or a good lens in other words you can get some pretty good photos.

Anyway, I’m posting a photo of the section of the article on how to shoot a naked woman. I hope you guys get as good of a laugh out of it as my wife and I did.

(Oh yeah - so now I’m not depressed. I’m manic. The joys of mental illness. Ugh.)
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Sarah
Just when the caterpillar thought it's world was over it turned into a butterfly.....

I am not a doctor or other medical professional. If you are in need of medical care please contact emergency services or go to the nearest emergency room.
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sbm12405
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Re: Monday September 14 - Sunday September 20, 2020

Post by sbm12405 » Fri Sep 18, 2020 10:17 pm

Omg. Check engine light came on in the car. Called the dealership:

Do you think it’s safe to drive in?
Won’t know until you bring it in.
Should I tow it?
Won’t know until you bring it in.

Nice. At least we have an OBD2 code reader. So I pulled the engine codes. Yep. Towing it in. But I can’t ride in the tow truck. Can’t get a loaner unless I’m there. They can’t look at it until tomorrow. They may have it until Monday. So once the tow truck gets here I have to call them back so they can send a shuttle to come get me so I can go get the loaner car which may or may not be ready when I get there. And to top it off my wife isn’t feeling well and being away from the house isn’t a good thing for her right now. Ugh. Xanax take me away.....
Sarah
Just when the caterpillar thought it's world was over it turned into a butterfly.....

I am not a doctor or other medical professional. If you are in need of medical care please contact emergency services or go to the nearest emergency room.
Faerie
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Re: Monday September 14 - Sunday September 20, 2020

Post by Faerie » Sat Sep 19, 2020 11:35 am

I'm sorry Sarah. There is never a good time for these things to happen but they always seem to happen when it's the last thing we feel that we can deal with. I hope it goes smoothly + is sorted out asap. Hope your wife feels better soon.

Vickie, thinking of you!

Conn, are you ok? Please drop us a line. I'm worried about you.

Luther, Cheryl, we haven't seen you for ages. Let us know how you are.
((((Hugs))))
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Vickiem1124
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Re: Monday September 14 - Sunday September 20, 2020

Post by Vickiem1124 » Sun Sep 20, 2020 10:52 pm

thanks guys Im home now took a pretty good nose dive scared me havent been that bad in a couple years
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